Brookfield Central’s senior students are currently fighting one of their toughest battles of their high school careers. There have been repeated cases of absences, multiple teacher complaints pertaining to the dismissive and flippant attitudes of students, several strange sightings of seniors routinely engulfed in homely sweatpants and sweatshirts, and, most ghastly of all, serious apathy and decline in performance regarding school work. While the underclassmen have apocalyptic visions of the downfall of this year’s senior grade, the upperclassmen strongly assert that this disease of extreme laziness and farcical procrastination, known as senioritis, does indeed have a remedy: graduation.

When asked for his opinion on this endemic plague, senior Michael Fung ironically stated, “I will tell you later.” Although senioritis has its merits, this burdensome adversity of procrastination must be treated efficiently without further delay.

Fortunately, there is treatment that encompasses a multitude of methods to help conquer and vanquish the profoundly scarring effects of senioritis. Here are several ways you can treat it:

1. Challenge yourself: If there is no pain, there is no gain. For example, try to focus on accomplishing tasks before the microwave timer reaches 0 seconds. If that is a big step for beginners, try some yoga! Let’s face it. None of your yoga pants have actually been to yoga class. Likewise, none of your textbooks have actually seen the picturesque world that rests outside of the lockers.
2. Plan ahead of time, and don’t procrastinate: In the event of a zombie outbreak, do you run, hide, or shoot? The correct answer is none of the above. Instead, make arrangements ahead of time and simply plan to go to Sam’s Club, where you will be surrounded by brick walls and a seemingly infinite food supply. (Fortunately, zombies will need a membership to get in.) More realistically, make sure to get the milk and the toilet paper, as it’s going to snow. We all know that Wisconsin weather is not always the most predictable.
3. Envision the future: 2016 is a time for change. A new year, a new you. Because this year is a leap year, there is more time to reflect on your level of productivity and thus fix your mistakes. Specifically, 24 hours more. As senior Corey Li (‘16) advised on the future, “Do it right the first time,” a blunt yet ruling statement.
4. Set small goals: To begin with, set goals that you perceive are not arduous to accomplish. Whether it is marrying a rich Prince Charming, or reading at least one sentence in your AP Literature and Composition novel, setting small goals every day takes you a long way!
5. Have a demanding and appropriate senior schedule: Make sure you enhance your senior year schedule by inserting relatively challenging study halls in replacement of those super easy AP courses. You’re too smart for stress-free and extremely unchallenging classes such as APUSH. Why not spice up your senior year by torturing yourself with a rigorous SPO? It will most definitely prepare you for the future.

These 5 easy options will definitely get rid of any traces of senioritis! If not, you can consider failing your SPO so you can become a super-senior and try it again next year.