Beware the Beast of Black Friday


Be careful America, for as the weather grows colder and the leaves turn crisp, a threat emerges once again to cause terror right on our front doorstep. This threat is otherwise known as Black Friday, a beast who walks to cause chaos and to drive men and women alike mad with greed. Bow before his reign, as he prepares for his day of awakening.
Those lucky enough to escape his clutches cower in fear in their homes. Mothers and fathers quiver as they wall up their children in hopes that they won’t succumb to the beast, yet they themselves forget that they too are vulnerable.
Each year, the beast calls to the public and coerces the helpless souls to feed him a meal of financial debt. It’s sickening to watch innocent lives so harshly ruined by just a single encounter, returning to him over and over again like an addict.
How has this beast come about, you may ask? Well, look no further than the stores that you cherish so much. It is true; while you were picking out your favorite outfits or browsing the newest collection of games, stores were watching and slowly creating this horrid creature.
For those who wonder why no actions have been taken to kill this monstrosity, be prepared to realize the sheer dread of the beast’s power. Although few, there are some valiant soldiers who attempt to vanquish the beast; yet, he always wins. For those of you who wish to try this task, I beg you, please restrict yourself. There will be blood! There will be violence! There will be nothing left but the shattered remains of your dignity and a mediocre box of crayons at half price!
His threat looms over us more than ever now, so if there is any time for us to take action as a collective, it must be now. Otherwise, I fear, we will remain captives of Black Friday forever more. God bless you, America – land of the free and slave to the beast.